funniest obituaries ever written

He is survived by his wife of 25 years the recently wealthy and overly devoted Julie and his proudest accomplishments sons Brandon John, Blake Isa, and Brett James. Anyway, I was born at St. Josephs Hospital in Glace Bay on Nov. 26, 1948. Other mottos were If you can break it, I can fix it, Dont apply for a job, create one. 4oz. Any sendoff for Toni would not be complete without mentioning her lifelong buddy Myrtle Jane Wingo Haas and her adopted daughters Liz & Laura. He ends his obituary by saying that he had a good life to look back on and instructs those wanting to honour him to remember me in your own way. A lifelong Cleveland Browns fan and season ticket holder, he also wrote a song each year and sent it to the Cleveland Browns as well as offering other advice on how to run the team. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Mrs. Philips also reminds readers that life is short: I was born; I blinked; and it was over. She urges us all to: do your best, follow your arrow and make something amazing out of your life. Donna Monteen Smith, age 73, passed away peacefully December 17, 2014 due to diabetes and congestive heart failure. With his trademark white, v-neck t-shirts and strategically coiffed comb-over, his comfort far outweighed any interest in the latest fashion trends. Jan Lois Lynch of Boston, Massachusetts was a woman of eclectic interests and sublime taste. After her death,her daughter was determined to fulfill her unique final wishes to have a funeral with a Wizard of Oz theme. Famously opinionated and short-tempered, Big Al handed these qualities down to his daughter, Jill Ann Brownley of Phoenix, Arizona, a sharp-tongued character in her own right. I was Born in Salt Lake City, March 27th 1953. What he lacked in stature, he compensated with an over-abundance of charisma, charm and feistiness. She is survived by her children and grandchildren whose photos she would share with prospective friends in the checkout line: Tim (wife Janice, children Timmy, Joey, T.J., Miki and Danny); Kevin (wife Kathy, children Kacey, Ryan, Jordan and Kevin); Jerry (wife Gita, children Nisha and Cathan); MaryAnne; Peter (wife Maria Jose, children Rodrigo and Paulo); and Meg (husband David Vartanian, children Peter, Lily, Jerry and Blase); siblings Anne, Helen, and Robert; and many in-laws, nieces, nephews, friends and family too numerous to list but not forgotten. Cremation Jewelry: A Fashionable Memorial To Your Loved One, Memorial Service Ideas | Cooking + Foodie Theme, Introducing Meme-orial The Social Media Memorial Card. He wrote, She liked you or she didnt, it was black or white. He liked four-letter words just about as much as four-wheel drive pick-up trucks. Oh wait, Im afraid its too late for questions. Brewer died from hypothermia, after Mia ate Mrs. Brewers warm winter boots and socks. So I guess if theres a place in the after-life where little dogs and old dawgs go, then thats where youll find me and Scarlett. For example, focus on hobbies, passions, and personal characteristics. In college I worked at Vaughns Conoco on 45th South and 29th East. The obituary closes by instructing friends and family to wear Cleveland Browns clothing to the service in his honour. To Disneylandyou can now throw away that Banned for Life file you have on me, Im not a problem anymoreand SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this. Here are the most hilarious obituaries of all time. Besides my wife, children and grandchildren, the single most wonderful event in my life was spending three years at UCCB, now CBU where I earned my BACS Degree, 1992 grad. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Her favorite child, Jean III, eloped in college and married Kim Fulford who dearly loved Toni. Our obituaries editor is the author of several biographies, including these two: Orpheus: The Song of Life. She considered Aaron Burrell to be a distant grandson (not distant enough) and had the ability with family pets to usher them toward heaven at an unrivaled pace. Let a dog (or two or three) share your bed. Of course, that will probably be comfort to some while antagonizing others, but you know meits what I do. She concludes with simple instructions: If you dont believe it, just ask me. Steves quiet demeanor has provided ballast to an otherwise unstable family. Inexplicably we were successful in doing exactly that when we were blessed with our daughter Bonnie and then later our son Scott. Oh wait, Im afraid its too late for questions. Of course hequickly follows that up by saying that cremation will take place at the familys convenience, and his ashes will be kept around as long as they match the dcor and that anyone wearing black will not be allowed at the memorial service. And his famous holiday eggnog had enough whiskey to grow hair on your chest. So I was born; I blinked; and it was over. Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often. She is also survived by her sister, Edna Flicker Isacs. He often said, Theres no explaining taste.. For that is . This is less the funniest obituary you'll ever read and more the sweetest obituary you'll ever read. Give Hot Dog Lady her gold teeth back! Bruce Springsteen best recording artist, Clint Eastwood the baddest man on the planet, and that chicks dig El Caminos. MacDonald starts off his funny obituary by describing his upbringing and acknowledging the wonderful family that he left behind. A private family Celebration of Life will be held, in lieu of a service, due to her friends not being able to attend, because they decided to beat her to the Pearly Gates. TV was boring back then, so we went outside and actually had lives. Patterson leaves us with one last quip: if you want to live forever, then dont stop breathing, like I did.. So anyway, I think I was a pretty nice guy, despite being a former punk and despite what some people would say about me. Did you know that Love Lives On has a comprehensive library of articles on grief? Oh, about 200 drachmas a week. It's a subject that haunts us all. They reside in Bay St. Louis and carry the Larroux family torch forward through each and every Happy Hour, Mardi Gras and cocktail party. Crafted by her favourite child son Jean, and daughter,Hayden, the obituary joked aboutthe possibility that their mother may have had illegitimate children, recounted an ex-husband from whom it should not be difficult to imagine the multiple reasons for their divorce, and her collection of overdue library books (with her last words being: Tell them the check is in the mail). In 1972 Ron and I loaded the car with the 5- Bs and headed north to run a school bus company for over 20 years in Baysville, Ontario. He promptly retired. In his funny obituary, which he wrote himself, Patterson confessed: I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. Jims demise will now allow them to emerge from his shadow. Mary Jane is now a Fitness Instructor at Golds on Van Winkleyou might be one of her studentssee what a lucky guy I am? Today I am happy and I am dancing. Titled "His Life According To Jim," it appeared originally on his church's website. She will be missed as a mother, friend and grandmother. Out of all the obituaries listed here, Harry Stamps' obituary takes the cake. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. He will be greatly missed by his wife of 50 years Judy, his children Rob (Helen), Tim (Mary-Jo), Angela (Brent), Andrew (Stacey), and his grandchildren Noah, Macy, Teagan, Ella, Claire, Lucy and Will. Affectionately known as Big Al by his family and many friends, he was a plumber by trade, a tremendous gardener and avid hunter. Though the idea of funny obits may sound a little disrespectful, you'll see below that nothing could be further from the truth. Learned all that I wanted to learn. There can be no doubt after reading her funny obituary that Pink was quite a character! Hailing from New Joisey, herobituarycaptures her larger than life personality. The obituary of 82-year-old Connecticuter Joe Heller, penned by his daughter Monique Heller, was praised as the "best obituary ever" by The New York Times, which also profiled Heller's. When Mississippi man Harry Stamps passed away on March 9, 2013, his daughter wanted to honour her one-of-a-kind Dadin hisobituary. James Jim Groth made his last wildly inappropriate and probably sarcastic comment on July 28th. Honor your loved one with a free online memorial. Go to a nursing home and kiss everyone. In the last few years, Big Als short-term memory loss was getting the best of him. Big Al was world-renowned for his lack of patience, not holding back his opinion, and a knack for telling it like it is. Cremation will take place at the familys convenience and his ashes will be kept in an urn, passed from family member to family member until no one can remember whats in the jar. By the end of his funny obituary, you cannot help but be charmed by Harry Stamps. Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. She is not dead. I speak as a person who had a great life to look back on. A memorial luncheon in Ricks honor will be held at Pier 41 in Lumberton on Saturday, Aug. 23, 2014 from 1 to 3 p.m. at Pier 41 Seafood. Emily DeBrayda Phillips' obituary is hilariously self-written and self-aware about her existence and end: "If you want to, you can look for me in the evening sunset or with the earliest spring. Written by his daughter, Amanda Lewis, this obituary is probably the funniest piece of literature we've ever read. Sadly, he was unable to attain his life-long goal of catching his beloved wife Judy cutting the cheese or playing the bum trumpetwhich he likened to a mythical rarity like spotting Bigfoot or a unicorn. Consider: Mary Agnes Mullaney (you probably knew her as "Pink") who entered eternal life on Sunday, September 1, 2013. Use the old ones to tie gutters, child-proof cabinets, tie toilet flappers, or hang Christmas ornaments. For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, Im sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work. Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). I bought the farm. On a serious note, we would like to extend our most sincere thanks to Dr. Ainsley Alexander and the staff at KGH McConnell 9 and Dr. Stewart and the staff of 2 South at St. Marys of the Lake for the amazing care given and the compassion shown in Bills final days. But before he passed, he wanted tocome clean about a few things. He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. The recently deceased Heller was born in New Haven, Connecticut, after which, his daughters note, God thankfully broke the mold. The daughters go on to profile the lifelong jester: His mother was not immune to his pranks as he named his first dog Fart so she would have to scream his name to come home. Patricia Harper passed away in her sleep, surrounded by her loving family, on 30th January. All jokes aside, the obituary ends with a heartfelt, He will be greatly missed.. I cant believe that happened in the first half of the last century but there are records on file in the Court House which can corroborate this claim. Related: The obituary of 94-year-old Mary Stocks is going viral, and no wonder: Her son wrote a funny tribute to his mom that's loaded with jokes. We started to write a normal [obituary], Larroux III told HuffPost, before realizing mom would be so ashamed. Some of its greatest hits include, She conquered polio as a child, contributing to the nickname polio legs, given by her ex-husband. This is less the funniest obituary youll ever read and more the sweetest obituary youll ever read. And even in his waning months, he was a model of strong will and sheer determination right up until the end of his journey here on earth. Born January 8, 1958 in Columbus, Ohio, he was the son of William and Martha (Kirkendall) Entsminger. Use the comment box below to ask us any questions or share your thoughts on writing an obituary. He had a life-long mnage a trois with his homemade chili and Gas-X. In her lifetime, Pink made contact time after time. She will be sorely missed and survived by her brother George Morris, children: Shauna (Stocks) Perreault, Paul/Sandy (Debbie) Stocks and Kirk Stocks, son-in-law Ian Milnes and son from another mother, John McCleery, grandchildren: Lesley (Sean), Lindsay (Lucas), Ashley (James), David (Tia), Brett, Erin (Brian), Sean, Alex, Courtney and Taylor and great-grandchildren: Connor, Emily, Ainsley, Tyler and Jack. Andy Corren, a New York City-based writer and talent manager, according to NBC, wrote a very honest and hilarious obituary of his 84-year-old mother that was so good, it's gone viral. ghost towns on Earth. I didnt even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. Andy Corren, a New York City-based writer and talent manager, according to NBC, wrote a very honest and hilarious obituary of his 84-year-old mother that was so good, it's gone viral. She was born, raised, and now rests in Virginiaa swing state. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), people couldnt stop sharing this sweet 91-year-olds obituary, creepiest (but real!) Hayden Hoffman married Stephen Hoffman of Charleston, WV. My pain is enormous, but it pales in comparison to watching my wife feel my pain as she lovingly cares for and comforts me. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. Sorry.. Boiled shrimp and a beverage of your choice should be part of any celebration. He loved his wife, Agnes Bargo Brownley, who preceded him in death in 1990. Andy's . Take magazines youve already read to your doctors office for others to enjoy. Jim was born and immediately dubbed "our favorite child" to John and Joan Groth in March of 1963. Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of theme.. Legacy.com is a company that has partnerships with over 1,500 newspapers and 3,500 funeral homes in the U.S, Canada, Europe, New Zealand, and Australia, to publish obituaries. His obituary opens with: On Saturday February the 8th Molsons stock price fell sharply on the news of Bill Eves passing.. I remember representing Waynesville in the Miss North Carolina Pageant, and yes, I twirled my baton to the tune of Dixie. He was a connoisseur of banana cream pie and a firm believer that ham sandwiches should only be served on Mancinis bread. The obituary also notes that Bill had mastered the art of swearing while being splattered with grease and that there is a rumour floating around that his death was an elaborate plan to get out of shovelling the driveway.. As per her request, Scarpitti was dressed with black and white stockings and the iconic ruby red slippers. On its website, the newspaper went into a bit more detail about Legler, writing the 85-year-old died June 27. We normally think of obituariesthe mini-biographies of deceased peoples lives that you read at the back of newspapersas being dreary and solemn. Know when to be serious. Raymond Alan Brownley was larger-than-life, was when hepassed away on September 21, 2014, his family felt that his obituary should reflect that fact. I feel such the thief now for stealing so much from herthere is no pill I can take to erase that pain. Ironically, the only correspondence she has received from the library since her resignation has been overdue notices for several overdue books (a true statement. Walter was a Marine Corps Veteran of the Korean War having served from October of 1051 to September of 1951, with overseas duty in Japan from June of 1953 till August of 1953. He traveled where he wanted to travel, laughed inappropriately at every chance, learned what he wanted to learn, fix what he wanted to fix and loved who he wanted to love. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Heart of Hospice, 750 Bayou Pines East, Suite A, Lake Charles, LA 70601, Anyone wearing black will not be admitted to the memorial.. If she owed so many poems, maybe her death wasn't so natural after all. It pains me to admit it, but apparently, I have passed away. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. The writer of her obituary jokes that her death could be due to her dog eating her warm boots and socks. The curtain came down on Thursday night at Southeastern Regional Medical Center. He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporaljust like Napolean, as he would say. and Coady, Tower Road and my grandchildren, Nicole MacDonald, Glace Bay, Charlise MacDonald, Stratford, Ont., Hayden and Nathan MacDonald, St. Marys, Ont. Pink is reunited with her husband and favorite dance and political debate partner, Dr. Gerald L. Mullaney, and is predeceased by six siblings.. He particularly fancied smart women. Written by his daughter, Amanda Lewis, this obituary is probably the funniest piece of literature we've ever read.In her father's obituary, Amanda describes her father as a ladies man who didn't take fashion cues from anyone. I had some serious health problems the last few years, but survived them (up till now anyway) with the help of my wife, Brenda; my granddaughter, Nicole; my sweetheart little dog, Scarlett, and my rescue kitten, Dolly. We were blessed to learn many valuable lessons from Pink during her 85 years, among them: Never throw away old pantyhose. His friends will tell you hes in a better place. I thank you. Jims employment history was standard, College recruiter, Oyster Shucker, YMCA executive director, and for the past 16 years Industrial Construction Project Management. I will miss seeing my sweetest grandchildren; Caitlin, Megan, Joel, Issac, Mason, Rachel, Annie, Emma, Harrison, Clark, Choe, Orion, Griffin grow up to be the incredible people they are meant to be. Writing an obituary is often, of course, a very somber task to undertake. She was the youngest daughter of W. Raymond Flicker and Gertrude Hope Flicker, both deceased. Just when I thought I was too old to fall in love again, I became a grandmother, and my five grand-angels stole not only my heart, but also spent most of my money. Writing an obituary can be a painful and unexpected event. He had a life-long love affair with devilled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread. I wouldnt change one thing about it.. Mrs. Here you'll find funny obits written by and about people whose love of laughter straight up transcended their passing. Its obvious that youll be sorely missed. 9 unusual obituaries that showed peoples' sense of humor even after they died. He was born in Phila, P.A. There is no better legacy than a laughand Joe Heller and his daughters all know it. All four of us learned to use a napkin. He also dearly loved his children and grandchildren. A funeral is a waste of harrrrrrd earned and harrrrrrd saved money that my family can use now. (It seems that MacDonald found his own regional accent funny. Triple Gemini! she shrieked. Electronics, chemistry, physics, auto mechanic, wood worker, artist, inventor, business man, ribald comedian, husband, brother, son, cat lover, cynic. As her children we are still trying to figure out which one it was for us (we know she loved us).. Naval Yard from 1956 till 1961, operated Atlantic Automotive Service Stations in Wilmington during 1961 and 1962 and was employed by the late great DuPont Co. from 1962 through 1993 (very few people who knew him would say he worked for DuPont, and he always claimed he had only been hired to fill a position). I dont want a funeral. The promised land! Even more baffling are her childrens contradictory assertions of her life: some swear shes a pastry chef and freelance food critic, a professional gambler and race car driver, a square dancer, a botanist who ran a chain of recreational marijuana dispensaries in Washington state, and more. I remember being the bride in our Tom Thumb Wedding in first grade and performing skits for the 4-H Club later in grade five. So instead of going to see the great creator, I will be going to see the great cremater.. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Trixie, Richie, James Brown Beans and Mr. He was born in Auburn, N.Y., July 16, 1947, the son of the late Elizabeth Dunster Bacon and Frederick Neil Bacon. Aaron Purmort passed away on November 25th, 2014, at the age of 35 from a brain tumour, although the obituaryhe wrote for himself tells a slightly different story. In addition to advocating this life hack, Pink had many pearls of wisdom that she enjoyed sharing with anyone who would listen. I was an active horticulturalist, a member of the Eastern Star and a member of the Lions Club in Baysville. Weeks to Years: Active and Advanced Decay. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. OBITUARY James "Jim" Groth 12 March, 1963 - 28 July, 2015 IN THE CARE OF Hixson Moss Bluff "James "Jim" Groth made his last wildly inappropriate and probably sarcastic comment on July 28th. Ida met and married Albert Sills. Traveled to every place on earth that I ever wanted to go. In fact, he wove tapestry of obscenities that still hangs over the Greater Kingston Area. Make it personal. Emily DeBrayda Phillips obituary is hilariously self-written and self-aware about her existence and end: If you want to, you can look for me in the evening sunset or with the earliest spring daffodils or among the flitting and fluttering butterflies. She opened up about the . ), He also wanted his loved ones to honour his memory by requesting Congress to repeal Day Light Savings Time so that the nation could get back on the Lords Time.. (Or maybe you can cry a little bit. The family encourages you to don the most inappropriate t-shirt that you are comfortable being seen in public with, as Joe often did. If you thought these quips were good, just check out these funny road signs worth slowing down for. So if youre looking for 2 extremely large TVs from the 90s, a large ceramic stork (we think) umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven (slightly used) or even a 2001 Oldsmobile with a spoiler (she loved putting the pedal to the metal), with only 71,000 kilometers and 1,000 tools that we arent sure what theyre used for. Do not tear off the mailing label, Because if someone wants to contact me, that would be nice.. The women in his life were numerous. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. He was the youngest son of the late William Franklin Brownley (born on October 28, 1894, in Newtown, Virginia, and died October 1, 1977, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) and Lucille Beverly Fauntleroy Brownley (born February 14, 1896, in King William, Virginia, and died October 8, 1956, in McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania). Harry traveled extensively. Scott was a fun loving, kind and caring man who enjoyed gardening and fishing but his greatest enjoyment was spending time with his family. Raymond Alan Brownley of Pittsburgh (Ingram Boro), Pennsylvania, died on September 21, 2014, at the age of 82, but his larger-than-life persona and trademark stubbornness will not be forgotten. Brian (with Ginette) who was the Oreo cookie favourite, Brenda AKA Hazel who would run to clean the bathrooms when she heard company was coming. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Dont be late! When someone we love dies, we're faced with the reality that our own demise is imminent. In an interview withThe News Journalher daughter responded to the criticism that the obituary had generated:That was something between us and there was nothing that was going to stop me Even if I ended up getting bad reports and people going against me, it had nothing to do with them. Eulogy to my mentor and spiritual Father, Rev. Visitation will be held at Bradford-OKeefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m. Her favorite activity was sipping hot tea on her back porch with friends seated around her porch ensemble from Dollar General (again, not kidding.) When you learn someones name, share their patron saints story, and their feast day, so they can celebrate. His daughter . Before his death, he had taken it upon himself to craft his own funnyobituary. Fo example: go to church with a chicken sandwich in your purse, and,put picky-eating children in the box at the bottom of the laundry chute, tell them they are hungry lions in a cage, and feed them veggies through the slats.. He attained the rank of Sergrant. This summer we revisited many of these memorable . Ill leave you with thisplease dont cry because Im gone; instead be happy that I was here. 1. In reverse order. 1. He became a Morse intercept operator and spent two and a half years overseas in Turkey and Italy. How much more blessed can a person be? "We Do Not Own The Rights To Any of The. Antonia W. Toni Larroux died after a battle with multiple illnesses: lupus, rickets, scurvy, kidney disease and feline leukemia. Senior executives at Molson called an emergency meeting to brace for the impact of the anticipated drop in sales. TODAY. Anyone wearing black will not be admitted to the memorial. However, The Best of Myles, an anthology of satirical columns he wrote for the Irish Times, has been a lighthouse for me since the early 70s, and remains the funniest book I've ever read. According to the obituary, Big Al despisedcanned cranberry sauce, wearing shorts, cigarette butts in his driveway, oatmeal, loud-mouth know-it-alls, Tabasco sauce, reality TV shows, and anything to do with the Kardashians and was world-renowned for his lack of patience, not holding back his opinion, and a knack for telling it like it is., Rest in peace, Big Al. He assures us that he is gone. Put picky-eating children in the box at the bottom of the laundry chute, tell them they are hungry lions in a cage, and feed them veggies through the slats. Lily Collins is now 33 years old and happily married, but when she was in her early twenties, she suffered a great deal at the hands of an unnamed romantic partner.

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funniest obituaries ever written